De-Stress Expert

Do you ever wonder why we cram so many demands on ourselves into one short time period called ‘The Holidays’? One hectic holiday season my wonder turned into a poem.

 

Christmas Joy

 

I say and hear the words anew

each year at Christmas time

of brotherhood, of joy, and love

and Jesus born again.

 

The meaning’s hard to find at times

among the season’s trappings

dare I forget some cookies, guests,

presents, food or wrappings.

 

Where is the joy I ask myself

in Santa here so early,

in going shopping with a smile

returning mean and burly,

 

in stuffing the bird before the meal,

the stuffed people groaning after,

in giving a gift knowing deep down

it’s not quite what they wanted,

 

in being too drained for reaching out

no time for rest around…

They say that suicide is high

depression often found.

 

Where is the joy I ask myself

while drinking more dry wine,

I know it’s here to be found

soon as I get the time.

 

            Aila Accad

 

Since then, it is clear that focusing on accomplishing all the ‘stuff’ to set up the holiday doesn’t work. You already knew that. What is the solution to having too much to do and not enough time to set up a ‘perfect’ holiday? Here are three keys to unlocking the treasure of joy and meaning in any holiday.

 

1. Let go of ‘perfect’ holiday images. Images of the perfect holiday are set-ups for unrealistic expectations. ‘Currier & Ives’ images made up by advertising become models of holidays somewhere else with other people, who smile all the time and appreciate every little nice thing you do. Whether it is Christmas or Valentine’s Day, images of love and joy are not the real experience. These are models or pictures pointing to a possible experience. Focusing on achieving the image rather than the experience itself is a set-up for disappointment.

 

2. Decide what is important to you. What is most meaningful and important to you about the holiday, the food, gifts, decorations, connection with others? Focus your limited time and energy on the qualities that are most meaningful to you. You will find that many of the activities you thought were important do not contribute to the outcome you want. As you simplify or eliminate some of the holiday trappings, meaningful moments have more space to shine into your experience.

 

3. Focus on the Present. Every moment of preparation is a moment of love and gratitude taking form. Realize the holiday is not a goal or destination. Even though there is a designated date for celebration, it is in the moments of loving joy that contribute to creating that day where your holiday is lived moment by moment.

 

May letting go of false images, simplifying activities and being present moment by moment create holiday experiences of joy, peace, love and the meaning you cherish in your heart.  Happy Holidays!

 

© 2008 Aila Accad

  Tough times can bring you to your knees.  They can also raise you to new heights. 

 

You can be stressed to the max on a bad day, yet, as long as life seems manageable, you don’t usually look for new strategies to get through it.   The tendency is to pull yourself up by the bootstraps, grit your teeth and keep on going.  During prolonged or sudden tough times, though, normal defense mechanisms are not enough to keep you from feeling vulnerable and overwhelmed. 

 

It’s when events are overwhelmingly beyond your control, that you either find new ways to cope or are pulled down by the undertow.  Your usual defenses are inadequate to protect from overwhelming long-term stress.  Stress can build gradually beyond tolerance level, or a surprising turn of events like those recently reported in the news can create the kind of vulnerability that demands openness to change.

 

  The soft inner core of your being feels exposed.  This exposure opens a crack in the old armor through which an opportunity for renewed life can shine.

 

Here are six tips that can help you thrive in tough times?  .

 

Nourish Yourself – Let go of the bootstraps for a few moments, acknowledge your stress and be kind to yourself.  What nourishes you - inspirational reading, music, a cup of tea …?  Are there people or places, a favorite chair or spot in nature that provide sustenance?  Make nurturing yourself every day a priority.

 

Stay Present – Don’t project ahead. Take life one day, one moment at a time.  Tough times are more manageable when you pay attention to making decisions and taking action on only the next step.  Fearful preoccupation or worries about dire imagined future possibilities can leave you open to illness, accidents and errors in judgment that compound your problems.  Scale down, simplify your activities and concentrate your precious energy supply on only what is critically important right now. 

 

Accept Support - This can be difficult for people who prize self-sufficiency.  Remember it is as virtuous to receive, as it is to give.  Without the receiver, the giver has no way to share their abundant gifts.  Don’t deprive your friends and family of the pleasure to help you when you need it.  Shared burdens provide opportunities for enhanced closeness and appreciation for one another. 

 

Trust Your Resilience - Chances are you have been through tough times before.  What natural strengths did you rely upon in those situations?  How did you make it through adolescence, Childbirth, Marriage, Divorce, School, First job?  What are your natural inner resources?  Trust that you have what you need to see this tough time through.  

 

Visualize Success - See yourself moving into a new chapter of life.  How do you want to write that chapter?  Creation begins in the imagination.  If you can think it, you can create it.  In order to be free to dream and hope for something new, you must let go of old visions, descriptions and limitations of the person you think you are or can become.  

 

Forgive Past Errors - Forgive past hurts, and people who may have inflicted them, knowingly or unknowingly.  This is not out of kindness to them, rather out of kindness to you.  After all, you are the one carrying the burden of these hurts.   Forgive yourself for mistakes or paths not taken.  Release the burden of the past so you can travel lighter in the present.

 

In times of crisis and radical change, remember that living means growing.  I have never seen anything in nature grow backward.  So, as bad as you feel, and as much as you doubt it, if you are alive you are growing. 

 

Growth is creative.  So, take advantage of the opportunity in these tough times to re-create your life by nourishing yourself, staying present, accepting support, trusting your resilience, visioning possibilities and letting go of the past and perceived limitations. 

 

Even though tough times are hard, they can also be the best times to explore ways to live more harmoniously with yourself and others.

 

©  2008 Aila Accad

_____________________________________

 

Aila Accad, RN, MSN ‘The De-Stress Expert’ is a Speaker, Author and Transformation Coach. Learn more and contact her for speaking, and transformational coaching at: http://www.ailaspeaks.com/. Sign up to receive her complimentary De-Stress Tips Newsletter and get "Ten Instant Stress Busters" e-book as a gift.

Fear is a persistent and insatiable guest who is always looking for something to eat. 
Today's financial headlines and emotionally charged news stories provide a banquet
feast for fear. 

 

The more fear is fed the bigger it grows.  The bigger it gets, the more overwhelming
and devouring it becomes.  As it inflates, fear bullies us into feeling too vulnerable and
victimized to do anything about it.

 

Like most bullies, fear does not have any real power.  Though loud and intimidating,
fear is powerless to do anything but scream in our ear and shake up our system.  
Fear only has power to the extent that we allow it to run our lives. 

 

Keep feeding fear and soon it becomes so obese nothing else can live in your house
not love, not happiness, not friendship - Nothing.  You can barely think as terror reigns
over your estate of mind and body.  What can you do?

 

First realize that fear is a built in alarm system that comes with the house.  You cannot
get rid of it. You can put it on a low negativity diet and get it down to a reasonable size. 
I'm not suggesting a starvation diet.  I am suggesting balancing a reasonable serving of
speculative, negative news with heavy servings of reality check. 

 

Fear will also feed on the negativity of others.  If you can't get close to the negativity
without feasting on it, then cut back on your contact.  As you feel stronger, you can begin
to influence those conversations.  I'm reminded of Socrates, who when confronted with
gossip would ask three questions.  First, “Is what you're going to tell me true?”  If the
answer is no, then he would ask, “Is what you're going to tell me good?”  If that answer
is no, he would ask a third question, “Is what you're going to tell me useful?”  If the person
said no to all three questions, Socrates would ask, “Why would you tell me something that
is not true, good or useful?”

 

When the alarm system in your house turns into a raving bully, you may need outside
forces to get back in control.  Find an experienced professional counselor or coach who
can support you in confronting the bully of fear and resetting your alarm system. 

 

Be aware! Fear is in the House with a ravenous appetite.  Don’t allow it to feast at the table
of scarcity, negativity, anger, resentment and powerlessness. Limit its diet to low servings
of negativity balanced with enriched reality check.  Supplement with support as needed. 
Bon appétit!

© 2008 Aila Accad
Read all articles at http://www.ailaspeaks.com/articles.html

The Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is the most amazing process for addressing all kinds of physical, emotional and cognitive concerns.  I use it constantly in my Training and Coaching Programs, and teach it to healing practitioners of all kinds (social workers, nurses, psychologists, chiropractors, counselors, teachers, massage therapists, yoga instructors and more).

The groups that attended the EFT Level 1 and 2 Workshops last weekend were able to clear physical aches and pains, headaches, cravings for chocolate, grief, a body image belief, anger, a phobia and traumatic childhood memories. 

The beauty of this technique is that it can work on surface symptoms as well as deeper beliefs and experiences, which are the core of symptomatic patterns.

The versatility of this technique and breadth of issues it can address makes EFT a Power Tool in every alternative healer's toolbox!

You can learn the basic technique by watching the demonstration video at: www.ailaspeaks.com/eft.html

I don't know to whom to attribute this quote (if anyone does, please let me know).
It is appropriate in relation to EFT   --- "Pain in life is inevitable; suffering is optional."

EFT in the hands of an astute practitioner can go a long way to relieving suffering.

Blessings to all,
Aila

'The De-stress Expert'
Speaker, Trainer, Author, Coach
www.ailaspeaks.com

Every fall, I began to feel the constricted pressure of having too much to do and no time to get it all done.  One year, I had an epiphany about why this happened and what to do about it.

 

It was a crisp, beautiful fall morning.  For me, it was the kind of weather that makes me want to get up and dance my way through the day.  Not this morning, though.  I sat on the sofa, pulled the cover over my head and wanted to disappear.

 

I didn’t want to die. I just desperately needed go away for three months and come back with a fresh start.

 

Between work, my husband and kid’s schedules, household responsibilities and impending holiday tasks, I felt over my head and sinking fast.  It immobilized me.

 

As I sat there with the comforter over my head, the thought came to me, “What if I have a heart attack and die?  Who would do all this stuff?” 

 

The answers created an epiphany that changed my life.

 

There were many tasks my husband and kids would pick up for survival – food shopping, laundry, cooking, and maybe some cleaning.   “If they can do this when I’m dead, why can’t they do it now?” flashed through my mind.  “Do I have to die first?”

 

Then, there were things nobody would do.  The question arose, “Why am I doing them?” 

I realized that I most of these things came directly from my mother and father’s To-Do lists.  It never occurred to me to re-evaluate their importance to me.  

 

In fact, I adopted most of the items on my ‘to-do’ list from other people’s lists.  These are the ‘shoulds’ from growing up that I never questioned.  I realized I was spending most of my time and energy on what others would think of me or judge me for if I didn’t do them.  These had to go.

 

There were things no one else would do, yet, I loved doing them.  I came to understand that these are truly the most important activities to have on My To-Do List. 

 

Clearing my list through elimination and delegation made a huge difference.  Now I have plenty of space and time to act on the things that are most rewarding and productive for me to do. 

 

Summer is over and a new season is beginning.  This is the time that I review my Master To-Do list and clear off the old before adding anything new.  A streamlined focus allows for optimum manifestation of what are truly the most important priorities in my life.

 

Whose To-Do list are you using today?

 

© 2008  Aila Accad

When you have an apparent medical condition do you think about Stress as a major cause?

Certainly when we are anxious, frustrated or nervous stress might come to mind as a contributor.  But what about when you have frequent colds, joint or muscle pains, high cholesterol, or an accident?

When I was in nursing school I learned that 85% of all illness and dis-ease is stress-related.  Today, we call the top diseases  like Heart Disease, Diabetes and Cancer 'Lifestyle' illnesses.  A recent study on Allergens and Stress drives this point home.

How is your Stressful Lifestyle affecting your health?  How often does your health practitioner ask you about your stress?  

Less stress directly increases health, energy, vitality, longevity and improves relationships.  

Take some time this week to find ways to reduce your stress.  The quality and quantity of your life depends on it!

; )) Aila
'The De-Stress Expert'