Monday, July 05, 2010
A number of years ago, my close friend "Amy" ended a four-year relationship with her boyfriend "Nick." Amy and Nick seemed to have a solid relationship. They spent lots of quality time together, rarely fought, and were good friends. When the relationship ended, Nick was quite surprised and pretty devastated. He really didn't understand what had prompted Amy to just end the relationship out of the blue.
Since Nick knew Amy and I were good friends, he contacted me to see if I could help him understand Amy's state of mind and reasons for breaking up with him. My heart went out to Nick because I knew how completely and totally in love he was with Amy. He envisioned having children with Amy and growing old with her. The only problem is that Amy didn't have a magnetic attraction to Nick. The passion just wasn't there. There were no sparks or crashing waves of euphoria between them. The relationship was easy and it worked, but it wasn't meant to be a long-term soul connection.
I didn't share all of this information with Nick but instead I told him the relationship ended for a reason and he would understand why down the road. I told him while he thought Amy was the "one," he would realize someone else would be a better fit for him. Nick's heart took some time to catch up with his head. When he was jolted out of his sleepwalking depression, he took action and made significant changes in his life. It had always been Nick's dream to move out west and attend graduate school. Instead of pursuing his dream however, Nick had put his life on hold for Amy. When the relationship ended, he no longer had to stay in the Midwest. He packed his bags, moved out west, and started graduate school. He soon met his future wife and secured a job he loved.
This story makes my heart smile because it's a reminder of what a gift rejection can truly be. Nick's whole life opened up when the door to his relationship with Amy closed. If he hadn't moved out east, he probably wouldn't have started graduate school and met the love of his life. In turn, Amy also met the love of her life and is now happily married.
A spiritual teacher once told me to view rejection as the universe's way of protection from something that isn't meant to be. Every since this conversation, my outlook on rejection has completely changed. When we are rejected, as in the case of Nick, our ego's take it so personally. We feel something is inherently wrong with us and our self-esteem suffers. Instead of viewing rejection in such a negative manner however, we need to trust we are being protected and something else is meant to be or the timing just isn't right for a certain door to open.
Colleen Canney is a Career, Life, and Wellness Coach based in Seattle, WA. She coaches clients around the world both in person and via phone. For more information on Colleen, please visit her website at www.colleencanney.com.or contact her directly at firstname.lastname@example.org.