Career, Life, and Wellness Coach

Are you comfortable being uncomfortable?

If you feel too comfortable in life it probably means you are not growing as an individual.  By nature growth is uncomfortable. As a child I experienced Charley Horses, otherwise known as growing pains, in my legs.  I would wake-up in the middle night because I was uncomfortable. This is part of growing. Whether it is physical, spiritual, emotional, or mental growth, if you want to evolve and develop as an individual, be prepared to experience a certain level of discomfort.  

Particular situations can invoke a considerable amount of uneasiness. Whether it involves moving, changing or losing a job, attending a social event alone, or trying a new sport, all of these situations are examples of ones that may force us to step outside our comfort zone. By embracing each new situation we encounter with open arms, we ultimately triumph over fear. If we never allow ourselves to move beyond fear, we will remain stagnate, flat, lifeless. This is because fear stunts our growth.

Interacting with people who trigger feelings of discomfort can also be a means of growing.  Our greatest teachers in life are often individuals who make us uneasy. If we are conscious enough, these individuals will awaken, or remind us, of the areas within ourselves that are not yet fully developed. If someone makes you feel uncomfortable, ask yourself, “What feelings come up when I am around this person?” Before you judge someone and think, “I just don’t get that person,” or “I can’t stand that person,” try to be patient instead of immediately reacting. Be patient and gentle with yourself as you decipher where you need to grow so your internal fire alarm is no longer set off.

The more loving and accepting you are of yourself, the more loving and accepting you will be of others.  As self-awareness and self-love increases, you stop focusing on what’s wrong with so-called “difficult” people in your life.  Instead you focus on what needs to shift within you to prevent future fires from festering. It’s easy to look outside ourselves but much more challenging to look within.  A key element to self-growth however is introspection.

When I came home tonight I found a card from my mom waiting in the mailbox.  A beautiful flower graced the outside and inside was a hand-written message from my mom that said, “Thinking of you during this time of growth.”

Right now I, like many others living in these turbulent times, am fully immersed in a tremendous growth period. Am I uncomfortable? You better believe I am. I am probably more uncomfortable than I have ever been in my whole life. At the same time I feel a sense of peace knowing everything will be ok. I also feel a sense of excitement because I know these changes in my life are serving as a catalyst for growth.

In a recent interview featured in Yoga Journal magazine, B.K.S Iyengar, one of the leading founders of modern yoga, commented on still teaching yoga after recently turning 90 years-old, “My life and energy are still growing. Because I’m practicing age has not struck me at all.”

So ask yourself, “Am I challenging myself to continue to grow?”

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When I look around I see a society filled with people who have lost sight of what really matters in life.  As a result the world has been filled with walking zombies trying desperately to seek some kind of meaning in all the wrong ways. We have become addicted to work in the hopes that becoming more successful and accomplished will bring us happiness and fulfillment. We use food, drugs, and alcohol to anesthetize feelings instead of dealing with them.  We seek out romantic relationships to fill voids of happiness and loneliness. We then blame others if these relationships fail. We have become consumed with fear instead of allowing peace and love to enter our souls. We no longer listen to one another because we are too busy worrying or too preoccupied with staying on the non-stop treadmill of life. In essence, we are no longer connecting on a deeper level with either ourselves or others and this has resulted in feelings of separation and isolation. When these feelings surface the ego dominates and we become completely self-consumed. Our ego then rules our inner world which causes the outer world to appear unsettling, fearful, and overwhelming.

The tremendous amount of turmoil we are dealing with in society is a result of living unconsciously. Each of us needs to take personal responsibility for our actions and figure out how we can create positive change in our own life in order create change in the world.

So today make a commitment to be present, open, and ready to commit random selfless acts of kindness when the opportunities arise. Catch a stranger off-guard by flashing a bright smile. Ask your  stressed out coworker if you can offer to help meet a deadline or finish a project. Take the time to truly listen to someone without interjecting your thoughts or opinions. Send a thank you note to someone who really made a difference in your life. Reach out to a friend or relative who needs some support and uplifting words.

Part of becoming the “Champion of your Best Self” is learning to be selfless. Your best self realizes the world is vast and does not revolve around your own ego. Life is not all about you. Life is about connecting, sharing, and giving to others in anyway you can. Change comes about in small and unassuming ways but the results are far greater than we will ever know.

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Tonight my plan was to do a hill workout. All day I had been gearing up for a big workout and I couldn’t wait to get outside and fly up the hills. When I started running however, I could tell me body wasn’t up for any sort of flying. I hadn’t been getting nearly enough sleep the past few nights and I could definitely feel the effect of sleep deprivation. I needed to accept my current state and work with it. My body was telling me it wanted to run, but at a different pace than I had planned. By listening to my body and changing gears from an intense workout focus to a slow and relaxed pace focus, I was fully immersing myself in the power of flow.

When I looked out at Lake Washington as I ran, I became almost hypnotized by the shining lights of the houses dotting the edge of the water and the mysterious appearing fog that seemed to cover the lake like a black veil. I breathed in the fresh fall air and let go of my expectations of what my workout should have been. Instead I expressed gratitude to the universe for creating such awe-inspiring beauty around me.

My meditative run along the water reminded me of the importance of being flexible, being in tune with your body, and not being attached to expectations. When you fully immerse yourself in the current state, you accept what is. You don’t judge yourself or the situation. You reflect on what could have been different (getting more sleep in my case) to have changed the outcome, and then you allow yourself to be at peace with the current state.

By the end of the run I had a huge smile on my face and I felt relaxed and at ease. I knew there would be plenty of hill workouts in the future but tonight I needed the calmness of the water to soothe me.

So next time when life does not go according to plan, ask your self, “Am I allowing myself to be at peace with the current state?”

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Lately I have been thinking a lot about rejection. In my life I have faced quite a bit of rejection, maybe more than others, or maybe not. For some reason however, each time I have been rejected, it has only propelled me forward and energized me. Strange isnâ??t it? For me rejection has often translated to taking risks. I love taking risks. I thrive on challenging myself to do things that cause my heart to race and a nervous flip flop flutter in my stomach to ensue.

When you take a lot of risks in life, well, you will probably face more rejection than others who live in a more cautious risk-adverse state. When I was younger rejection used to take a toll on my self-esteem and it took some time for me to bounce back.

Now each time I am rejected because of taking a risk, I congratulate myself for moving outside my comfort zone. I donâ??t want to look back on my life and have one â??What Ifâ?¦â? after another. For me wondering eats away at the core of my inner self. If I have an inner drive to do something, I just need to do it, deal with the outcome, and then move on with my life.

When someone tells me they are worried about taking a risk because they might face rejection, I tell them, â??Take the risk! Be bold! Live Courageously! Rejection will do wonders for your self-esteem!â? Rejection can be a catalyst for self-reflection. It can force you to answer questions such as, â??Was there anything I could have done differently?â? Rejection tests your strength of character. It can either reaffirm who you are (a positive) or serve as a dead weight that will hold you back (a negative). Lastly, rejection can force you to dig deep and pull out a cob-webbed piece of your self-esteem you didnâ??t know you had.

One of my favorite quotes is by Eleanor Roosevelt. She said, â??No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.â?Â  If you allow rejection to dictate your self worth, you are in for a very long and painful life. If however you view rejection has a gift, your life will that much more rich.

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