Friday, April 30, 2010
I had seriously one of the crappiest days I had had in years about a
week ago. A royal suckfest. I was really busy, as usual, but I was
dragging my butt through my tasks, heartsick and bummed out. I also
happened to be totally out of food and really hungry. So I found myself
in the supermarket, shopping, in my painter clothes.
I got my usual staples and then worked my way to the ice cream
aisle, and stared at the pints of chocolate coconut ice cream. I was
having a gloves-off, let's-do-some-damage kind of sucky day when the
weirdest thing happened.
You know, 20 years ago, I had lots of really crappy days. They were
a regular occurrence. But back then there was a sort of satisfaction
and logic to inflicting self-injury. I would hurt myself with food. Eat
bad stuff. Way too much of it. Then sometimes throw it up. I would try
to steer my emotional tornadoes into positive things like bike riding,
but it often wasn't enough. There was something way too gratifying
about eating an entire box of junky cereal.
So here I was, with my forehead pressed against the freezer glass,
glaring at the ice cream, wanting to play really loud heavy metal in my
car on the way home, when I realized... I didn't want ice cream. I
truly didn't want it.
Clearly I wanted something, so I just bumped around the store until
I found what it was that I wanted. Something that would make me feel
decadent and satisfied and awesome.
(What? What the hell? Broccoli freaking rabe? Seriously?)
Yep. Broccoli Rabe. With cheese sauce made from that awesome
Dubliner cheese (Kerry Gold-- Grass fed.) That was EXACTLY what I
wanted on my crappiest day ever. Then a Mosh Pit.
I REALLY get how good eating habits can fall apart when your life
gets insane. Divorce? Elderly parent move in with yah? Illness in your
family? Bugging out from the financial pressure? Yeah. That's when the
easiest, most processed, least vital food seems to swarm over your
It's like the food manufacturers have "vulture" marketing schemes
aimed precisely at the people who are under stress. "Eat this because
it's easy," it says, and then in small print "nevermind the mental fog,
(coffee will help that,) and the heartburn and diminished ability to handle stress have nothing to do with this product."
We eat poor quality food because of stress and then it diminishes
out ability to handle stress. It's a TRAP. "Easy" food is what you eat
if you do NOT want to be free.
I swear to you, I don't know HOW I would have made it through the
last 8 months without huge plates of vegetables (the original easiest
food) at least twice a day. It allows me to handle stress better. FAR
My divorce has been a cakewalk, compared to some. But there is no
way to avoid the fact that the best intentions don't prevent you from
having horrible days. It's a condition of being human.
Getting clear of food addictions, cravings and even myths like "ice
cream makes you feel better" is the way to freedom and to living a
powerful life, even on those horrible days. (ESPECIALLY on those
Want to hear more about that? Check out my newest offering. I want to create a tribe of people aiming for exactly that kind of freedom.
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